i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
