it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
