all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize