yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
