It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Couch. On fire.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
