So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
