you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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