I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
