Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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