one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
