And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
