There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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