i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize