She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
