the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
