Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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