She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
