yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize