Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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