My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize