I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
