I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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