you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
two words: eviction party
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
