On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
