We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
