im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
