HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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