saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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