"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
