you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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