And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
