You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
