Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
