My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize