let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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