I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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