She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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