ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
