he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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