I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
