Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
