KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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