pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
