btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
