you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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