New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
