Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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