I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
