he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
