Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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