i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
