Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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