i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have already put on my inside pants.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
