before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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