he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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