you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
