I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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