The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
