id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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