I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
