What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
