I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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