she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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