I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
