Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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