meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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