I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
