the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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