We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When are your genitals available?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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